So, I was spending some time today in mediation and prayer and I started apologizing for all the time I wasted not taking control of my health and not listening to my body. Then it went past apologies and went to self-depreciation. Putting myself down for not knowing what to think and what to do to improve my health. Feeling poorly about all the years that I could have been healthier and feeling like a fool for not researching holistic health and taking care of my body the way it was designed to be taken care of. I had to stop myself. I was starting to go down that dark hole of coulda, shoulda, woulda.
I then had to apologize to myself for starting to go down that critical road. I gave myself a spiritual hug and remembered that the roads I’ve been down are part of my story. Part of my journey. Part of the plan for my life. To be critical of living the journey I was designed to live was non-productive. The truth is I’m now on the path of healing. I am working to heal myself and instead of chasing all sorts of diets and fads, I’m listening to what my body says it needs. I’m doing the Me diet-it’s all about me.
No need to put myself down or have any regrets. This is my journey, my tapestry and at the end of it-it will be beautiful. I refuse to allow myself to spend so much time regretting past mistakes that I forget to enjoy the present. Those mistakes made me who I am. I am on the path I’m on because those paths lead me here. How refreshing is that. Instead of regretting choices that didn’t produce the results I wanted, I embrace them as the choices that lead me to the place where I am now. Happy, fulfilled and working to continue my personal growth.
You may have noticed, I took some time away from the website and blogging. I was struggling. Struggling with the idea that someone would want to listen to me about health. That someone would value the experience and education I have when it comes to improving health. Afterall, I’m over 50 and, though it’s coming off slowly, I’m overweight. I’ve been overweight most of the time since I was 8.
In my 30’s I was thin, at one point far too thin, but I didn’t eat healthy. I barely ate-1 meal a day and a yogurt and a granola bar each day-that was it. As a single mom with little help financially, I didn’t have the money to eat a lot. And I didn’t think anyone would want me if I wasn’t thin. Everyone I knew thought I was one of the healthiest people they knew because I would walk 3 miles a day each day. But the truth was I was so afraid of being fat and rejected I couldn’t eat-even when I did get more money for food.
In my late 30s I got re-married and started eating more meals because I didn’t want my spouse to know how poorly I had been eating. As a result-I gained weight. I continued to gain weight and get sicker. I was so sick at one point that it was all I could do to go to work each day. I’d come home and sit on the couch and fight to sit upright and not lay down on the couch. I had no energy and thought I was going to die. I was beginning to become convinced I’d be “that girl.” You know that girl that everyone would remember by saying, “she was so young when she died, we had no idea she was so sick.” Then I got handed an unexpected gift-I was sitting at my desk one day and felt a clot (or something that felt like a clot) clog the bottom of my heart and stop the blood flow. I remember thinking “oh God, is this it? I don’t want to die yet”; then the clot got pushed through my heart and out the left side and I felt the blood pumping through again. I did what I’d yell at anyone else for doing- I didn’t go to the doctor or the hospital. I didn’t go because I was afraid of what medicine they’d put me on and how bad they’d say my health was. I didn’t want anyone telling me I was the victim of poor health.
I’ve been through a lot in my life-rejection, domestic violence, divorce, single motherhood, etc. But I’ve always refused to be a victim. I had to take the same attitude with this. Instead of giving up or giving away my power, I decided to take back my power and learn what it really meant to be healthy and actually participate in my health, not my illness. What does a healthy diet look like? What does it mean to be healthy? Truly healthy . . . food, relationships, physical activity, finances. As a result, I have more energy and vibrance than ever. I had to redefine some relationships, let some go, learn how to communicate better with my spouse. When I look over the past 3 years at all the progress I’ve made, I’m amazed. I have stamina, I can exercise, I have energy and I rarely sit down when I’m not working. When I get home I keep active until shortly before bed-with the exception of eating.
During my time of reflection one message kept nagging at me. One message kept being heard over and over. I felt compelled to tell my story and pass encouragement on. To send a positive message to people of all ages-You can be proactive in your health care. You can improve your health naturally and you can take back your life. No matter what age. You just need someone who believes in you. Someone who has been there.
I specialize in older clients. People who, like me, have lost all hope that there could be a time when they could feel energized and empowered to do the activities they want and eat the food they never thought they’d like. To make choices for healthier lives and healthier habits without much effort. To not have anyone tell them what to do but to be able to listen to their bodies to give it the foods and activities it needs to feel good about the world and their place in it. To be able to work with your doctor and your health coach to have true health care and resolve the causes of illness and not just mask the symptoms.
One of the primary concerns I hear from people when they talk about me coaching them is that they're afraid that all I'm going to do is give them a set of “don't do's”. I try to reassure them that the changes we make are going to be slow and easy. Rarely do they believe me, but over time I'm able to show my clients how easy it is to make lasting, healthful changes without making yourself feel guilty, deprived, shamed or stupid.