2020-what a year. I don’t think I’m alone when I say this year has been NOTHING like I anticipated. I
thought 2019 had some significant challenges which made me happy to bring a new start with 2020. However, 2020 has proven the challenges of 2019 to be mild comparatively.
My 2020 has had hurdles that include Covid, a tachycardiac event during the Covid shutdown, social distancing, the flu, taking care of my father-in-law during his chemo, my son unable to keep food down for months, the election and more. It’s been difficult to not get overwhelmed. In fact, there have been a few times I’ve lost the battle to stay composed and in control.
As a result, I’ve found myself having a lot of honest conversations with myself. One thing I had to acknowledge is that I’ve overcome a lot of challenges in my time here on Earth and have always done so by focusing on the positive, but I’ve had times this year when my focus has been on the size of the mountain and not the strength of my God. I’ve let my hope fail, I’ve failed to focus on the positive.
I’ve heard a lot of people struggle to find something positive but most still have hope. They hope for a better 2021. My honest, straightforward conversations with myself have me holding myself accountable. I’ve spent time doubting. I’ve spent some time compromising the dietary changes I’d made to avoid any further heart issues. Time compromising my self-care, movement, entertainment and social life. Which can be a slippery slope. And it was.
I’m ready to take back the changes that were very positive and helped me be discharged from cardiology care. I’m tired of looking to the wrong things for comfort. Trying to get people, things or food to bring me happiness-it doesn’t work. I am responsible for my happiness. My health. My attitude. My actions. I can choose to suffer or conquer.
I don’t do victim-stance, I’m nobody’s victim. I refuse and I’ve felt that way for decades. So why have I spent my time this year allowing circumstances and events to overshadow the victories of the year?
Why have I started feeling like more of a victim than a survivor?
I’m making a resolution. I’m not waiting for 2021 or until after the holidays or for Covid to
start/stop/improve/get worse, etc. I’m committing to refocusing my food choices. I’m going to make a commitment to being active regardless of weather, housing circumstances, meetings, etc. I’m committing to spend time in reflection and gratitude for all the positive things that have come from this year. And I’m committing to posting weekly regarding my successes and shortcomings. If anyone wants to join me, I welcome them. If anyone needs help, let me know. But I am committed to making 2020 the year I changed more for the positive than any previous year. It’s going to be my year of new and vibrant growth.
2020 is going to go in the history books for me as the year I decided to take my life back. I’m ending this year with far more optimism than I’ve had during the majority of it. I’m taking the life lesson-it’s time for me to be me, to take care of me and to do it proudly!