Have you ever had one of those days? Weeks? Life? What do you do when you have a past pain and you feel stuck in it? Like you can’t move on no matter how hard you try. What do you do in that situation?
Step one-acknowledge the issue. Whether it’s a betrayal or rejection or attack. Acknowledge the pain and hurt and the feelings that come from having been through this issue/matter. Give validation to how you feel, after all, nobody else is in charge of your feelings. You don’t need their validation. You can validate yourself and the feelings you have. But then what?
Step two-come from a place of understanding. It doesn’t invalidate your feelings. It doesn’t excuse the behavior but when you can find understanding you can find a way to understand that your hurt wasn’t necessarily the person’s goal. Someone who is abusive was most likely abused themselves, someone who is unfaithful was taught to objectify the other sex or that their value lies in how many partners they can satisfy. Someone who lies is just trying to live up to an unrealistic expectation of themselves or their life. Trying to be as “great” as the person they looked up to but feeling like all they do is fall short so they make up stories.
Step three-Forgive. It doesn’t make things go away. But it takes the guilt off you for not forgiving. Forgiving isn’t forgetting. Forgiving is deciding you won’t allow someone else to turn you into a bitter, vindictive, hateful person. Forgiving is choosing to be a survivor and not a victim. Forgiving is having the mindset that in the pain and hurt and horror you learned something. How to be stronger, kinder, more loving. . .You don’t have to tell them, you only have to acknowledge it yourself.
But what if someone bumps the scars left by that pain. Sometimes it’s like reliving it all over again. Worrying, watching your back, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Tapping can help, meditation can help. Loving yourself even though you feel like you’re broken because you still feel the pain. That helps. Acknowledging painful events, understanding what you don’t necessarily want to and forgiving don’t make events not affect your life. But loving yourself and understanding that sometimes things will bump your scars and bruises and when that happens and it hurts- and that’s okay. You’re not broken, you’re human. Feel the feelings, live through the fear and be the survivor. You can do it!